Finally After Christmas

Many of you who know me and read my ramblings know that December 14th my Grandpa George went home to be with the Lord. Although he was sick, his departure was far too quick for any of us and there is not a day that goes by that I don't miss him. I haven't even been able to write about it until now for fear that I wouldn't do the profound effect he's had on my life justice. So finally, after Christmas, I am able to sit in silence for a few minutes and think out what my Grandpa has meant to me.

Although there are several who probably have much more of a right to be mourning Grandpa right now, I can't help but be amazed at how deeply this has affected me and I need to talk about it. I suppose I'm one of those people who's kind of hard to get along with, a little stubborn, sassy, strong-willed, etc. I speak my mind and when I have an opinion, you mostly know about it. Grandpa always appreciated these things about me, and even though we would spar from time to time and I would get after him about some things, he seemed to like me all the better for it.

Grandpa was the kind of person who just was who he was, there was no need to guess. If he didn't like the way you put his dishes away, he'd growl at you and let you know it. I loved that. He was also someone I could always count on to tell me he loved me and that he was proud of me. I'm not sure why, but he told me. He told me a lot about his years growing up in the hills of Virginia, always with a joke and a laugh. He didn't grow up with a lot, but he enjoyed what he had and he loved life. He seemed to have a knack for getting into trouble, but was always willing to give anyone the shirt off his back.

My favorite picture of the two of us is at my wedding. Although there was so much going on, he still hugged me tight and told me how beautiful I was and how proud he was. Nothing can replace that kind of tangible, unconditional love.

I spent as many hours with him as I could when he was sick, sometimes just laying my head against his hospital bed or recliner and watching TV with him, but he always let me hold his big rugged hand and just be. He didn't need to talk, and neither did I, though we did do a lot of laughing when we watched Jeff Foxworthy one night in hospital with my mom. He was on oxygen and could hardly get a gasp of air, but he was laughing till he shook and we were loving it.

I am so thankful to have had him in my life, and I'm sure there are many who can say the same. There are many who he took care to make feel special. I was blessed to be one of those. To him, I can only say "Thank You, I love you big Grandpa, and I'll see you on the flip side. Say 'hi' to John Wayne for me."

Not that I Needed the Affirmation...

I have been a LONG TIME fan of L.M. Montgomery. I loved Anne of Green Gables from the first time I saw it on Wonder Works, and read just about every book she's written. By far and away my favorite book by her is "The Blue Castle". I read it for the first time in middle school and make a habit of reading it once a year. Although it is a superior novel in many ways to her more popular works, I have never heard of anyone else having read it. Perhaps because it's unique heroine and decidedly different plot are more oriented towards an adult audience and the tone is slightly darker and melancholy. Those are the qualities that endeared it to me. Although I loved Anne, her optimism and spunk just didn't resonate with me. Valancy has none of Anne's charms or talents, and yet, I loved her.

All this to say, I went and read reviews on it today, and nearly every person raved about it. I felt quite justified. I didn't need to have the affirmation, but I felt that I had some fellows on the somber side who loved the 29 year old spinster of a heroine. If you haven't read it, and your inclined to like a good romance (Ryan, I know you like em too!:) Then give it a whirl.

Christmas Musings

I brought out the Christmas decorations today. I am amazed how fast the time flies and how it seems as though I just put them away. The girls are a year older, and I have one more year of memories stored under my Santa hat as I decorate. As I listen to Christmas carols and think of what this last year has held, my tears match the stormy winds outside that blast sideways raindrops against the window. I missed so many Christmases and each one now is dear to me in its own way. As my thoughts go so often right now, I think of Grandpa and how this will likely be his last Christmas with us. My own dear grandpa, what will each holiday season bring without his home for all of us to gather in? His home is hardly beautiful by some standards and maybe a little random and eccentric (kind of like me I guess), and yet, it is the only home I’ve ever known my grandparents in and it holds an infinite amount of precious memories for me. Play times and nap times and story times and game times and dish times and picnic times and times of sorrow and times of joy. Grandma passed away within its walls, and likely Grandpa will too. And once that happens, it will forever change, as all things do. No matter how I pray and hold my breath and wish, they change. Someone else will live in that house and all the eclectic pieces of 1960’s décor will be taken down. The numerous wind chimes, pictures, clocks, piggy banks, coin collections and childhood art projects will be taken down and dispersed among our clan, never to be assembled together again. The sum total of physical possessions for two lives will pass to another generation. I am so thankful for treasure stored in heaven because many of their things have been destroyed by moth and rust and decay.

What will this Christmas hold for us? Will it truly be the time of joy and peace that it should be? I am resolved to ask the Lord daily to make it so for my family, and to help us all focus on the intangible things that truly embody Christmas; the ultimate gift that was given to mankind in the form of a tiny, helpless baby. That baby would grow to be fully God and fully man, dying to take away my guilt and shame and pay the price of the sins of the world. What a gift he has given us, and what better reason to celebrate his birth this year.

Go Beavs!

Annie cannot go out of the house without spotting a Beaver logo here and there after she was bitten by the football bug a few weeks ago. Nathalie is quick to point out the Duck fans, always wondering what THEY could be doing in OUR town. Ducks? YUCK! Way to go Grandpa Steve, thoroughly indoctrinated. What can I say? GO BEAVS!

Punkin Patch

The Pumpkin patch, as always, was a lot of fun this year, but my camera pooped out so I had to get a couple pictures on my camera phone. They're not the best, but you can see they're having a blast!

Jayne: (wearing ugly homemade hat) "How's it sit? Pretty cunning, don'tcha think?"

So, my big bro likes this show called Firefly. He commissioned me to knit him the Jayne hat, an infamous piece of attire well known by devoted fans. Doesn't he look smashing in it? (Oh, by the way, he told me not to post this picture so please don't tell him I did, OK?)

"A man walks down the street in that hat, people know he's not afraid of anything."

"I think it's the sweetest hat ever."



So...here's to your cunning little hat Matt, and happy birthday too. I love you!

Out of Sight, Out of my Mind

Since I am, it seems, out of my mind and can't seem to get it all together, many of you who are out of my immediate sight may feel forgotten or neglected. I assure you, that is not the case. I am just HORRIBLE about staying in touch. It seems that every day I think about several of you, lifting you up in prayer, thanking God that you love me even though I am seemingly so inconsistent.

Although I am lacking some important neural function that allows me to communicate with others who are not directly in front of me, I am determined to keep trying, so please, have patience.

I am posting some pics of the little ones as a peace offering. May they smooth any ruffled feathers.